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Artefact

Contributors:
Linder, Nicola, Roaring 80s, Andy, Neil, J.C., Martin, J, John, Eddie Manley, Stanley Knife, John D, Irna and Jayne, D.J. Turner, Hyphen, Roger Mitchell, Agapanther 2, Rupert, Ned the Donkey, Ed Thomas, Richard, New Hormones, Jez, Terry, Nick, Kev, Alan's Friend, M.Clancy, Jack, Volunteer Groupy, C.I.D, Fugue, CEE WEEEZ.
Offices: c/o Grass Roots, 109 Oxford Road, Manchester 1

Featured in the following MDMArchive online exhibitions:
City Fun: The Hidden History of Manchester's Favourite Fanzine
TRANSCRIPTION:

SOUR GRAPES
Oh!Mummy,Oh!Mummy, can I be a Rock 'n' Roll singer?...............
"Yes,yes,dear - here's all the money you require for the best equipment you can buy, but remember dear, wear your vest and get plenty of greens."
"Thanx,Mummy,I'm just off to get my tken 'pad' in Didsbury"
AND SO THREE MONTHS LATER,WE FIND OUR 'HERO' FIRMLY WELDED TO HIS FLAT IN DIDSBURY.HIS NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOUR USED TO KNOW HOWARD DEVOTO.DICK WITTS LIVES IN THE FLAT BELOW. OUR HERO HAS GOT HIS OWN LITTLE 'ALTERNATIVE' MUZAK BAND.MY!WHAT A SMART NAME THEY PICK, SOMETHING OBSCURE(now that should go down well at The Band On The Wall),HE IS A HAPPY LITTLE SOUL.HIS CHEEKS ARE ROSEY!HE HAS ALL HIS IGGY POP ALBUMS WITH HIM.HE THINKS THE CURE ARE REALLY GREAT.HE IS REALLY VERY HIP,YOU KNOW.JUST ONE THING REMAINS MISSING FROM THE COMPLETE ROCK 'N' ROLL STAR KIT.........MEMBERSHIP TO THE MUSICIANS COLLECTIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
........NOW HE HAS EVERYTHING.............
a letter to mummy.
Dear Mummy,
Now I am a proper star.I am in the collective.I buy all my clothes from the flea market.I know Paul Morelys cat.My group is dead good,we play The Band On The Wall - supporting/on the same bill as.......A CERTAIN RATIO!!!!
Thanx to you and to Daddy for buying all my nice guitars,and the copy of Roget's thesaurus,i write songs about the meaning of life,now.I include words such as:- grey,minimal,death,paranoid.Arn't i profound mummy?
Oh well, i must mince of to a collective meeting,and be frightfully highbrow.
love and kisses,
Rupert xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
BUZZARD'S INNARDS
The Leyton Buzzards must be among the best but most misunderstood bands to have emerged over the last couple of years. Much put down as fat queens, or more kindly, big posers; they themselves would be the first to admit it. Unlike many of their punk/lunk detractors they have the ability to laugh at themselves.
The fact is they would never look down on other people for the clothes they wore or the image they chose to adopt and expect exactly the same fairness and tolerance in return.
It shouldn't matter of course. Pop images and music are such worthless, trivial things to waste energy arguing about. But it does. The whole point of any activity, including pop music, is to be successful and the only yardstick measuring success for pop musicians ix money. Because the Buzzards current swanky, some would say sickly, visuals are causing hostility and confusion among gig-goers and record-buyers, they intend to change them. Expect something a little easier to identify in the future. Maybe then they will earn some money. Then again there may be other reasons for this inconspicous failure.
There probably is but it is certainly not the quality of their music and lyrics and anyone who is familiar with them will be able to tell you so.
The Buzzards were received by a polite and miniscule crowd at the Mayflower a couple of Sundays back.
Most people who read this, having never seen or even heard of the Leyton Buzzards, Won't know what I'm talking about which is why I've tried to keep it short.
THEIR FREIND TERRY
FASTBREEDER
WHATEVER HAPPENED TO FASTBREEDER???
Well, i collard Adam Strange in the Russel one night and asked him what happened. "We split through apathy really" musical and managerial. Fast breeders drummer Chris Ruff and rhythm guitarist Dave Ruff are now with the Dog Men of Alberque (or whatever their current name is). Bassist Phil Spliff and Adam Strange himself both have a paid job playing in a cabaret band (anything just to play - as he says). "Hundreds play one gig every 6 weeks. Why play every now and again? I just want to play all the time." After leaving Fastbreeder Mr Strange joined Giro ("the best band I've been in"). Giro cut the notable 'Central Detention Centre' 45 on rabid and finally split. 7 months ago. The blame is laid on "apathetic management". Adam Strange is curre-ntly writing songs and waiting for the time when he forms his own band.
Andy Zero
THREAT TO SOCIETY
(YAAAA!!)
Punk is still a major threat to society, fuck them who say different.
They close our clubs (electric circus, ranch, rafters), you get hassled by the pigs because of what you are, some pubs wont serve you because of what you wear, certain bands cant play in some places(Clash Belle Vue) and you cant even talk to people in the underground market without being told to keep moving by some poxy security guard.
Only so much of this oppression can be taken by people as in London when 2000 punks and skins turned up to see the Clash play an open air concert on the roof of a market one Saturday morning on the Kings Rd, the authorities found out and a court order was served that prohibited any kind of music to go on. This didnt go down too well with the punks as they were told to move on by the pigs which lead to pitch battles and 70 arrests.
It seems apparent that such victimisation will become increased after such an incident but will it be happening in every big city in England? Just think if the same thing happens at the anti nazi rally if they have on this year, they wont just have pitched battles on their hands they will have full scale riots, or to bring down the proportion if a security guard pushes his luck to much outside discount.....
I bet you never thought that you reading this could be such a menacing threat to society because you wont conform with everyone else in musical tastes, fashion, hair style, etc, etc, etc,
Kev
NOT A BLEEDIN' THICKIE
SO HERE IT IS,THE LETTER.JUST TO PROVE TO YAS THAT IVE RED CF AND IM NOT JUST A THICKIE WOT WANTS HIS LETTER DOING, ILL GO THROUGH THE MAIN GOOD/BAD POINTS....
GOOD: WHITE,BLUE,YELLOW,GREEN,RED,YELLOW,ORANGE.
BAD: SORT OF ACTIONLESS COVER,NEIN?(WASTOFSPACE);p14+p15 NOT MUCH COP, PRINTINGWIS E,i.e.UNREADABLE.TOO MANY PICTURES.
ALLINALL, CHEAPER+BETTER THANR+T,DC,KC,NME(NO NOT THAT ONE!).ID SAY IT WAS THE NEAREST OPPOSITION MY MAG HAS HAD SO FAR. I LIKE THE WAY MANcH IS SET OUT,LIKE TH E FACTORY LABEL,BOTW,etc. YORK IS JUST FUCK, I MEAN SORT OF PINTS OF BITTER, I WAS INTO "IT"BEFORE YOU WERE, "TTTOOOMMMMEEEEE GGGUUUUUNNNNN",AND"THROBBING WHO?" I WAS REALLY SICKED OFF WITH ALL YOU HIPSTERS AT THE FACTORY,COS I ONLY SOLD / MAGS.FUKINEL, ITS ONLY 4p A GO.ANYOW, I SHALL RETURN. CF IS WORTHWHILE.SO IF YOU PAK IT IN YOUR LETTIN YERSENS DOWN,AS WELL AS MAKING FOLKS THAT MAGS WERE 77's THING. I HATE CUNTS WHO REKON THAT THEYRE NOT CUNTS,CEPT ME.2 GOOD YORK MAGS ARE:MY MAG(WHICH IS SO UNIQUE THAT IT AINT GOTA NAME) ,AND DAMAGED GOODS.DONT BELIEVE THE WEEKLIES. LEEDS IS MORE THAN GOF,MEKES AND N.F. I DUNNO, MAYBEY I AM JUST BEING A TIT,BUT I REALLY DO THINK THAT YORKSHIRE IS SADLY LACKIN IN NEW IDEAS.CAB VOLTAIRE HAVE BEEN ON THE GO FOR YEARS.MY ROOMS IN A MESS,AND OUR KID GETS OUT TOMORROW.SEE YOU ALL SOON.
A LAD FROM YORK CALLED nick
P.S. I THOUGHT MARK SMITH WAS ALREADY IN THE
I THOUGHT MARK SMITH WAS ALREADY IN THE
(SNAZZY, EH?)

STUPID PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISTS
30th July 1979
c/o (Address redacted)
Dear
In Manchester last weekend there was a STUFF THE SUPERSTARS SPECIAL FESTIVAL featuring 10 bands which have had favorable national press coverage up to and including full s [obscured] feature articles. Of the two music papers (NME and Record Mirror) that even bothered mentioning this event in advance not one gave its name. This was a STUFF THE SUPERSTARS, yet the NME couldn’t be bothered to mention half the (lesser known) bands, yet Melody Makers gig guide could only be bothered to mention Joy Division and The Fall. The NME when it mentioned the event at all succeeded in getting half the names wrong – despite accurate press releases and several phone calls. Nowhere did anyone actual [obscured] int ‘Jon the Postmans Psychedelic R’n’R Five Skinners’ (The New Waves [obscured] to the Temperance 7), the closest being Jon the Postmans R’n’R five.
The London national music press [obscured] to fill it’s pages with domestic drivel. The Hamsters have done more [obscured] this year than Keith Richard so whats he got to do with rock and roll? Who gives a fuck what Todd Rundgren is doing in america (Think I’ll just [obscured] over to New York for his gig tomorrow night). 10cc are in the studio until next february so fat fucking chance of them playing the local clubs.
Meanwhile this was the major music event in Manchester since the Northern Carnival last year. Meanwhile, John Peel consistently plugged the event throughout the week before it took place. Meanwhile Moreley, Penman, McCullough and various other London [obscured] Vultures decided to turn up.
Despite the strain of having to [obscured] the doors without Anita Pallenburgh being there the festival (The opening [obscured] of THE FUNHOUSE) was a roaring success.
We suggest that it would be beneficial to music in general if the London music press opened it’s eyes a bit and shook itself up.
Martin X went to Watford the other week and couldn’t find any signs of life.
Rumour has it that London is fucked. Manchester waits.
[italics]
Copies of this letter have been sent to N.M.E. Sounds, Melody Maker, Record Mirror and Exchange and Mart. This letter is being printed in full in’City Fun’ number 8.
[signed]
Martin X (City Fun)
Andy Zero (The Liggers, City Fun, The Funhouse)
Artefact added : 22nd October 2012
by Abigail
David Wilkinson Says –
‘Sour Grapes’ is a satire of the Manchester Musicians’ Collective becoming an elitist clique: “Dear mummy...now I am a proper star...I know Paul Morley’s cat”. It’s a great example of one of City Fun’s best features, which was the way it brought together political commitment with irreverent countercultural humour, warding off any accusations of joyless leftist puritanism. It’s also a sign of the fanzine’s influence over the scene – see Vol. 1 No. 18 for the MMC communiqu which reads “times have changed. The Collective is your Collective...just like City Fun is your paper.”
COMMENT ADDED 23rd November 2012
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